You are viewing p_jae

p_jae
31 December 2011 @ 10:47 pm

Since I highly doubt I'll be finishing my 2011 round up post any time soon, here's an abridged version in meme format

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?


I don't know where to begin...Collapse )

Tags:
 
 
Current Mood: lethargiclethargic
Current Music: All Fired Up by The Saturdays
 
 
p_jae
18 August 2011 @ 03:50 pm

I did it.

I’M GOING TO UNIVERSITY.

I’m going to a good university. Well it’s no Sussex, but it’s good enough.

I had my doubts I would even make 240 UCAS points, seriously. But I did.
B – Chemistry. C- Biology & a D in Physics. Bloody awful isn’t it? I went down a grade in everything. Oh physics, you were the bane of my existence these last two years. Oh the feeling of elation at the thought of never doing anymore fucking logarithms or “Simple” Harmonic Motion.

But anyways, the chemistry and biology fun isn’t over yet. Received my letter in the post today, I’ve been accepted into the University of Essex to ‘read’ Biochemistry. Ranked 39th in the country... not bad, not bad at all. Honestly, I’m so relieved to be in at all.

Other people can think what they want. Yes, I greatly underachieved - I could have done better but I’m happy and that should be all that counts. Forget the bloody ‘Essex’ stigma, it’s a good University.

So for the next 3 years, the only way is Essex. ;)


 
 
Current Mood: relievedrelieved
Current Music: Lucky Day by Nicola Roberts
 
 
p_jae
17 August 2011 @ 10:57 pm

Where have I been? No where I suppose, I just didn’t update. I finished my first year of 6th Form and worked hard in my second to improve my AS grades to ABC. Which I did.
Then something went to shit. I don’t know what happened to me... I became tired and gave up. I guess I was sure that when it came to the final exams I would be fine, that I would be ‘alright on the day.’ Of course how could I have possibly have expected something to fuck up? Nothing happens in my life, I certainly didn’t anticipate self-inducing my own downfall.  

So I began to fall in love. & then I got my heart shattered a week before my first exams. Forget love, heartbreak is probably the most consuming emotion one can ever experience (Well that and grief obviously). That week was probably one of the worst times of my life... I can’t even describe it.

So there went my revision. I numbed myself from everything and everybody. Given the circumstances I had brought upon myself, I did okay in my exams. (Apart from Physics Unit 5 which I failed spectacularly) But now the pain has hit. Everything has hit me. I’ve lost my boyfriend, my place at one of the best universities in the country and the stress free holiday I had planned.
To make matters worse, circumstances have changed... I believe I may have to meet my biological father soon. I think it’s the right time although I’m not looking forward to the family drama that will inevitably ensue. Yeah I’m not fabulous right now. & I’ve made myself ill again. I’ll try and take my medication this time but the migraines and possible anemic side effects are not strong motivators to be honest.

Anyways consequently, I’ve ostracized myself from society (for the time being) to get my shit together. I’ve spent the last week completely isolated from everyone and everything. Honestly, I don’t want people to see me like this nor burden them with my issues; I will only feel more pathetic.
So I’ve been entertaining myself with my glorious Heroes complete box set (more on that later) and trying to find the bloody words to make a livejournal update.
I guess I did ;) ... eventually.

It’s results day tomorrow. I think I will be able to crawl out of this emotional ditch and stop wallowing in self pity once I get these results. Can you believe I’ve fucked up so majorly I’m worried I won’t even make 3 C’s for my insurance university?

What a strange turn of events in my usually mundane life...

 
 
Current Mood: scaredscared
Current Music: All Fired Up - The Saturdays
 
 
p_jae
18 August 2010 @ 02:48 am
“If I died the world would continue to move along as if nothing had happened.”
“Because you’re just a small part of it.”
“When the small part in this case me, dies, the body remains.”
“Water, Carbon, Ammonia, Lime, Phosphorous, Salt, Saltpeter, Sulfur, Magnesium, Fluorine, Iron, and Aluminum right?”
“Right. The body’s only a combination of those simple elements. Nothing more. We’re destined to be decomposed by bacteria, and become nutrients for plants, then you follow the process further, those plants nourish herbivores.”
“And those herbivores nourish carnivores. Even others like us. And even though we lose awareness our lives keep on moving through the system.”
“The great flow that maintains the universe, call it the cycle of life, the course of nature each one of us is just a small part of that part. One in the all. Yet without all the individual ones, the all can’t exist. This world flows by following grander laws that we can’t even imagine."

I can't deny that I think these exact thoughts time to time.
Inbetween watching FMA, I decided to step out into the heavy rain at midnight & think those thoughts again, whilst getting soaked to the skin.
It's nice to wake up.
 
 
Current Mood: awakeawake